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THIS IS MY LOT, BEAUTIFUL STRANGERS.
 ter bloi hai chun per...laew ter gor ting chun bai
TonFlyingHigh!11:41 AM *** Saturday, January 27, 2007 "I'm waiting for my dad to come back. Feb 15." I'm waiting for my dad to come back too. Papa! It isn't the same without you here. It really isn't. I don't come down in the morning seeing you have your breakfast in the most casual of ways, smiling and grinning to me as I rush down, asking "Do I have time to eat? Do I have time to eat???" I don't think about my results. I don't like to worry about it. I just want to think about it when it comes. Perhaps the day before, perhaps the day itself. What's the point when the right time to have been thinking hard about it was when I was actually preparing for it, drilling myself for the very examination. But as I typed the reply to you, I realised how scared I am to disappoint you. I've never had high hopes of myself Papa, it's always been you. It's always been you who believed when I didn't, who pushed me (hard) when I said I couldn't go on. When I tell you I'm tired, you laugh like I'm a first-grader crying over a broken pencil. You laugh to make me feel like this is nothing- like there's nothing I cannot overcome. Tell me now how can I get used to you being away, when you were the one who held me down, who taught me how to hold my chopsticks, how to keep my knee down at the table, how to go through life with that impish grin, how to say 'I can' when every part of me has given up. Mummy needs an anchor. Mummy won't be able to keep me up for a very long time. Papa, it's not the same, it's really not the same. I miss you. TonFlyingHigh!11:20 PM *** I didn't want to look at things this way, because I didn't have to. But when I did, I realised that trying hard has robbed me of a previlege I want so badly now, for so many reasons. Maybe you just have to throw this in my face, like mud on a footballer's cheeks when he's crushed. Maybe you just have to drill me and not give me the easy way out. Like this is your mighty idea of a cacoon. Your idea of fruitful entrapment. Maybe you, maybe you, maybe you. Mr. G, maybe you. TonFlyingHigh!12:34 AM *** Thursday, January 25, 2007
 I haven't quite figured what my muse is. To doodle, to snap, to write, to type. An angry heart? A broken heart. A breaking heart. A hungry stomach? No scratch that. A hungry heart. A broken spirit. And the irony, an empty mind. It'll probably never be a person. How can someone allow herself to rely on fellow flesh and blood for a train of beautiful incongruency? Of bitterness and rosemary.Of crystal subtlety. Of infernal passion. But a heart, a heart and its voracious emotions; the lack thereof. It should lie in a heart. Or a heart in a heart, worn beneath the chest, just as it ravels beneath its constant masquerade. TonFlyingHigh!6:03 PM *** The entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one other person. really? TonFlyingHigh!5:54 PM *** Thursday, January 18, 2007 Division will always lead to descrimination. That's just the way it is, isn't it? Tolerance has its limit because benevolence has a measurable elasticity. At its weakest, it snaps. No matter how leaders try to build up cohesion or plaster it with policies and the ideals, there will always be deep-rooted racism beneath contrasting physical identities, beneath contrasting tongues. You must have inked us with a reason. And the reason must have had nothing to do with this. This one, all you monkies have to watch.  'In LA, no one touches you. We're always behind metal and glass. Think we crash into each other just to feel something.'
TonFlyingHigh!8:12 AM *** Wednesday, January 17, 2007 I don't like to mope. But I feel like shit. So what do I do when I know I have to protect you, and this makes you hate me. I can't afford to feel any more alone here. on a side note, thank you my sec2s, for making me smile to myself for the slightest reasons. TonFlyingHigh!9:46 PM *** Monday, January 15, 2007 HAPPY BIRTHDAY HID. big big hug! TonFlyingHigh!10:10 PM *** 'children don't have to earn our respect; they don't have to qualify; they don't have to impress us. they have it just because they have it.' - motion picture 'Turn Your Heart Toward Home'. TonFlyingHigh!10:07 PM *** Wednesday, January 10, 2007
        TonFlyingHigh!12:06 AM *** Tuesday, January 09, 2007 wow. I'm 19. (yes okay, I'm not 16, I admit I admit!) so while others may prefer spending their birthdays at some expensive restaurant, with a huge cake shared with a big party of friends followed by a night of clubbing and booze, I just want to (simply) spend quality time with the people I love, the people who matter, the people I treasure. annnnndddd, I'm trigger-ba-drigger happy I did. thank you sooooo much to the people who made it happen. :D I love The Daily Scoop. I love how everyone is happy there and how we don't have to mess with politics and what not. thank you linglongbell for this! I love my family, and I love the family time I've been having. But I miss you Marilyn Ho. I wish you didn't have to go to school. (hahahaha.) I love the 8. I am so damn lucky to have you all you know that? Thank you so much for giving me what I wished for, hahaha. ok you know I know. Thank you all so much for sticking with me through the past 6 years. I love you Ling (because you simply know me and still love me!), I love you Geetha (and i miss you so much), I love you Jingle (though there's so much unspoken friction sometimes), I love you Siti (because you are a gem, you are really), I love you JoJo (thank you so much for being the one who kept us all together, you really have, and thank you for always listening), I love you Yus (and I am really here if you need me), I love you Ziyang (man, I miss those class room days!) I love you Raghagoo, for believing that we can be great-grand friends, and for always being here! I love you Yana, for promising me a friendship I want to keep for a long long time. I love you Candace & Pei Xian, for putting up with my moments, with my nonsense and basically, with me. I treasure you both a whole damn lot. And to everyone who gave me your well-wishes, thank you, thank you, and thank you some more. hehehe. I think I shall/have personally said my thank yous if I haven't here. well hello big world, this is Melanie at 19. brace yourselves!!!! muahahahhaha. TonFlyingHigh!2:57 AM *** monday. 8th Jan!                          saturday. Dinner at Live 60's Seafood with Uncle Samuel's family!    saturday. Tea at Liquid Cafe!  saturday. Korean B'day Lunch!     thursday. RAMEN RAMEN! TonFlyingHigh!1:44 AM *** Saturday, January 06, 2007
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, sarang. TonFlyingHigh!10:38 PM *** ice cream really makes me hair-pee :D that makes working with ice-cream a hair-pee job. so, my life now seems to be ripped out from a power-puff girls episode. yes, you get the idea: flowers, rainbows and butterflies. okay....here goes, verbal diarrhea (sp?!) I really want to leave Singapore, I really want to I really want to I really want to. Of course I'll miss you guys. But looking at things, how we're all busy most of the time, working/studying and barely get to talk except on MSN (more often than not), what difference would going away make? Yes, I know, a world of difference for the very fact that then, I can't be around whenever. So anyway, I won't be going away because I can't. Our finances cannot support me so I'm gonna be a good girl and stay here. I'm happy anyhow, it's just one more road not taken, and another pursued :D Oh, but I think I know what I want to do after Uni (if I get into NUS) so...till then, MERRY 2007 MONKIES! Ling, Siti, JoJo, Geetha, Yus, Ziyang and Jingle: I'm sorry for not being the best friend but I do care a lot for you guys, and you guys mean a lot la :) on a side note, I loved my saturday, despite the (gahhhh!!!) horrible fluuuu. TonFlyingHigh!6:40 PM *** Thursday, January 04, 2007 firsts. the day before teachers' day sep1 beuno prata raising helen blizzard pure choc idol3 77 sheares melly maroon 5's TonFlyingHigh!10:59 AM *** Wednesday, January 03, 2007
     
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