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THIS IS MY LOT, BEAUTIFUL STRANGERS.
Life is achingly unpredictable. Or is it the ambiguity of this ride of a life that makes it worth living? Worth going through painful setbacks and seemingly boundless up-sides for? We never know who we're going to meet, who we're going to learn to love, who's going to love us, what our loved ones will have to go through, which diseases we'll have to fight, when the people we know are going to leave us, when we ourselves will take our leave. It is only when we are smacked in the face by the reality of Death that we understand that we should treasure the people we so often take for granted because we really never know when anyone's ride has reached its cusp but it would be too late, too late for hello then. Thing is, we know the truth in Death and life's habit of burning out but we forget. Amidst the hustle and bustle and while living by a preposterously unproportionate list of priorities, we all forget, even if just for a while, to treasure every moment we have to be with the people we know, who we might, if even by the slightest chance, never get to see again. Don't create the illusion that everyone's here to stay. But then again, all we have are 24 passing hours each day. So we have to decide. Who matters? Who do we love? Who needs us? And then, start sorting out that lopsided sketch of priorities, and start playing Life's cards right- and live with it knowing you'd be far from regrets whenever Death decides to pay you or someone close, a visit.  Maybe only they remember that there's always time to stop and smell the flowers. TonFlyingHigh!3:53 PM *** Tuesday, May 30, 2006 First Borns: More conscientious, ambitious and aggressive than their younger siblings, first borns are over-represented at Harvard and Yale as well as disciplines requiring higher education such as medicine, engineering or law. Every astronaut to go into space has been either the oldest child in his or her family or the eldest boy. And throughout history -- even when large families were the norm -- more than half of all Nobel Prize winners and U.S. presidents have been first born. Famous eldest children include: Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Richard Branson, J.K. Rowling and Winston Churchill. And macho movie stars are First Born, too, including Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis and all the actors who have played James Bond. Middles: Middle children are more easy going and peer-oriented. Since they can get lost in the shuffle of their own families, they learn to build bridges to other sources of support and therefore tend to have excellent people skills. Middle children often take on the role of mediator and peacemaker. Famous middle children include: Bill Gates, J.F.K., Madonna and Princess Diana. Youngest: The youngest child tends to be the most creative and can be very charming -- even manipulative. Because they often identify with the underdog, they tend to champion egalitarian causes. (Youngest siblings were the earliest backers of the Protestant Reformation and the Enlightenment.) Successful in journalism, advertising, sales and the arts, famous youngest children include Cameron Diaz, Jim Carrey, Drew Carey, Rosie O'Donnell, Eddie Murphy and Billy Crystal. Only Children: Only children have similar characteristics to first borns and are frequently burdened with high parental expectations. Research shows they are more confident, articulate and likely to use their imagination than other children. They also expect a lot from others, hate criticism, can be inflexible and are likely to be perfectionists. Well-known only children include Rudy Guiliani, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Alan Greenspan, Tiger Woods, tennis' teen queen Maria Sharapova and Leonardo Da Vinci. Twins: Because they hold equal status and are treated so similarly, twins turn out similarly in most cases. Consider advice columnists "Dear Abby" and "Ann Landers" (Abigail and Esther Friedman), and Harold and Bernard Shapiro, who became presidents of Princeton University and Canada's McGill University respectively. TonFlyingHigh!4:18 PM *** Monday, May 29, 2006
The Dove Campaign for Real Beauty "Because every girl has the right to feel beautiful." TonFlyingHigh!3:14 PM *** Dear God, Please watch over the innocent of East Timor and the victims of the Java quake && if you've decided to take them home, please watch over their families and loved ones who are left behind. Love, Melanie TonFlyingHigh!3:07 PM *** good running be well could this would that clue a have even bye he and time of out were you knew you doesn't if do you what so TonFlyingHigh!12:21 PM *** Sunday, May 28, 2006 Time has a habit of slipping away. TonFlyingHigh!1:58 PM *** Saturday, May 27, 2006
TonFlyingHigh!2:10 PM ***
 "..hesitating with his fingers on the handle and aware of communication with another hand beyond the panels. Thus in a hundred novels had lovers stood." TonFlyingHigh!12:15 AM *** Thursday, May 25, 2006
 Oh I want this record so bad. TonFlyingHigh!10:24 PM ***
 What is Faith if we rest it upon facts and she so readily gives way when facts seem to be torn apart and no longer prevail? If Faith requires concrete evidence in black and white then she has no value. If anything could be explained and proven without an apparent loop-hole this world would have the answers so many have been desperately seeking. But no. We need Faith because only Faith stands in a place where nothing can be ever proven to be of absolute Right- here, where nothing seems to have one definite answer and where Socratic questioning can go on perpetual high. Yet when we are given reasons not to believe, we dance in the trance of finally having notions seemingly valid to denounce Faith- as if in victory. As if there aren't so many more screaming reasons to believe. What is it about us? Why do we search so adamantly and yet turn our backs on what is there, in open arms, for us to embrace? Why do we read with so much intrigue something that gives us a reason to say no, yet tear to shreds what may very well be truth? And in the end, would you look back and weep over could-haves and should-haves? Because you shouldn't. Because there were so many more reasons to believe and you chose not to. Because, instead, you chose to laugh in her face over a matter or two, which smeared her with ridicule. TonFlyingHigh!5:22 PM *** Wednesday, May 24, 2006
TonFlyingHigh!11:25 PM *** Tuesday, May 23, 2006 I like to talk about our past, when we were basking in Ambiguity, which today, seem ascertained. & when you say something which makes me wish I could eat my heart out, I capture yet another mental picture of you and ask why. It's like painful clockwork. Like every beat is instant unremitting flagellation. I wish Time wasn't the oldest and most indubitable. I wish for so so much. I look at you looking at me, now I know why they say the best things are free. TonFlyingHigh!9:11 PM *** Sunday, May 21, 2006
TonFlyingHigh!12:27 AM *** Friday, May 19, 2006
How Adult Are You?
[x] I actually act my age [x] I know how to make a pot of coffee (with 3-in-1 coffee powder, YES! haha) [ ] I do my own laundry [ ] I can cook for myself [ ] I do my chores Total - 2 [ ] I clean the house for no reason [ ] I always do my homework/work [x] I actually enjoy intellectual conversations [ ] I think politics are exciting! [ ] It's more important going out with my parents and family then with friends (It really depends.) Total - 1 [ ] I show up for school/work everyday unless I'm sick..really sick [ ] I always carry a pen in my pocket/purse [ ] I've never gotten a ticket...well unless you can't drive, then no point in checking this one [ ] I watch talk shows and point out the incredibility of it all [x] I know what incredibility means without looking it up Total - 1 [ ] I drink black coffee [x] I know how to run the dish washer..or do the dishes [ ] I don't get caught when I do bad things..or I just don't do bad things [x] I can count in more than one language Total - 2 [ ] When I say I'm going to do something, I do it [ ] I mow the lawn [x] I wash my car...or I would if I had one [x] I can be witty and make adults laugh..without being stupid [ ] I remember to water my plants Total - 2 [x] I study when I have to (with the exception of today) [x] I pay attention at school/work [ ] I remember to feed my pets [x] I'm generally organized (I think!) [ ] I know the meaning of cruel punishment from experience Total - 3 [x] I can spell experience without looking at the line above (what does this have to do with being adult?) [ ] I clean up my own messes (not always *shrugs) [ ] The first thing I do when I wake up is get coffee [x] I can go to the store without getting something I don't need [ ] I understand jokes the first time they are said. (not always!) Total - 2 [x] I listen to my parents/elders (I try to?) [x] I understand the fact that the world always screws someone over (but life is beautiful? haha) [x] I enjoy bathing...or showering [x] I can type fast, because I type every day [ ] My choice in clothing is acceptable in an office or something like that Total - 4 [ ] I can watch politics and laugh because I understand what is going on [ ] I have realized that the weather forecast changes every hour (it does?) [x] I can look at someone hot and not think of sex [ ] I have realized that no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job (that's not true!!erm, right?) Total - 1 [x] I can read a book and actually finish it (if I actually pick one up, that is!) [ ] People have said that I act older than I am [x] I can be sent on an errand and not get side-tracked Total - 2 Now.. adding up all of my x's and multiplying that by 2.. I'm 40% adult! hahahaha. TonFlyingHigh!3:02 PM *** Thursday, May 18, 2006
I would be plain about you How you're ten thousands' of miles Away Even when you're a Summer's phonecall , I could never tell you how I'm sorry for that season. I could fix that tomorrow But I'll never fix this. When you ring on a busy day When you talk about a distant weather Or that joke the other day Don't you feel like talking to me? I would be subtle if I could But I have no metaphor To turn tears into a familiar melody. I'm dry. This is me dressed in words Of words without words. Come home, no, hold. I can't tell you what's here To come back for anymore.
TonFlyingHigh!11:47 PM *** I shall rant and rave. Tuesday we had a maths test which was far from expected. Yesterday was just, horrible. Today we had an essay test amidst a heat wave which seemed almost perpetual. And then everything seemed to be at odds with me- or was it me with everything else? Why is it that we are who we really are with the people we love. And why is it that who we really are makes no acquaintance with Patience? I just wish I could hold my tongue more often than I spout strings of insensitivity. I just wish I didn't bring home with me an upset air of grumpy vibes but a smile to greet you at the door. I hope this kind of entries will soon amount to zero because I don't want to have to think about what I do to others so thoroughly only after I come to my senses. I'm sorry that I've been functioning on negative vibrations these days. I will work on it. Pinky swear!  Fighting? TonFlyingHigh!6:27 PM *** "if butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away?" TonFlyingHigh!5:09 PM *** Wednesday, May 17, 2006 Memory takes a lot of poetic licence. It omits some details: others are exaggerated, according to the emotional value of the articles it touches, for memory is seated predominantly in the heart. But as we pass the years by what's left of an hyperbole of a memory is diminished to close to just a symbol or two. Given a poet's weakness for symbol it's like holding on to the many symbols that mean something- lest we forget after everafter.  If you could paint just one picture, given all the ability and the rare gift of an artist's stroke, what would you paint? I know what I would, and that would be the greatest symbol of my holding on in an imminent letting-go because after all, I have a penchant for symbols, and you would require one no less poignant than purple prose or painful poetry- maybe something close to a procession of stars. TonFlyingHigh!5:01 PM *** Sunday, May 14, 2006 Who is this that appears like the dawn, Fair as the moon, bright as the sun, Majestic as the stars in procession? TonFlyingHigh!5:58 PM *** Saturday, May 13, 2006
 - A Very Long Engagement How often do we read about war and see it as just words on a foreign piece of paper, of just 'History' dressed in letters we have to memorise, or remember once in a while on a special date, or after watching a certain kind of movie that dates to eons before our very present comfortable way of life. A Very Long Engagement was that certain kind of movie. A certain kind that allowed me to see War past just words which meant nothing but plainly 'Historic Sacrifice'. It allowed me to see the fear, the pain, the trauma, the tragedy of war at its most bitter and heart wrenching. Where lives were just used to make up the number which represented 'strength'- because fact was, being sent to world really meant Dying for the country. Lives ended not only for those at the receiving end of the rifle, or at the mercy of a single bomb. It ended, even for those who managed to survive the physical torment of War and also for those back home, waiting, sometimes with hope, sometimes, half-hope. And when you receive the Death News of your loved one in black and white, would you choose to believe what was probably typed and blindly signed for ten thousand other faded soldiers? Would you choose to believe knowing well enough that your intuition screams otherwise? In a situation like this, what's harder than holding on is letting go. TonFlyingHigh!12:33 AM *** Friday, May 12, 2006 I like lazy lazy days, time spent with the family. But the house seems (ironically) awfully silent with only the sound of the T.V blasting from somewhere downstairs. I was trying revise but Maths is killing me! Too many numbers make me dizzy, is that what it does to you too? Let's just go random, I haven't done that in quite a bit! I wonder what people outside are doing. I feel like having Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough now (totallyyyyy). Today I've been grumpy. I think my tuition teacher is really patient and he's so smart. I like to see people smile. I like to say nonsensical things just for fun. I think he wasn't really happy yesterday && I don't know why- but I tried my best. I feel like getting shoes- flats, pumps, cat-heels please! The World Cup is going to start pretty soon. Oh! And so is the Great Singapore Sale woopieee! I think I'm getting increasingly tired overtime. I wonder how Rajjy is doing. I shall grab something to eat in just a bit. I feel like Bagels and Cheese and a hug! I have this strong urge to cut my hair and have it done in curls but that is not happening. I wonder how winter is treating you and I hope your boots keep your toes warm. I haven't been to the movies in a long long while. I miss the Akha kids (please be well and happy!) I think Chelsea's such a happy dog she seems to be smiling all the time. I still think Chris is the American Idol anyhow. King Lear is in a Brave New World with Silas Marner kept in The Glass Menagerie because of Ted Hughes and George Herbert, so, in Mr Whitby's favourite verbal *torture/nightmare/big scary BOOGEY(*delete where unapplicable)....ANALYSE! haha! Mr Whitby is so cute, seriously. He's such a wise wise man as well! && he cracks me up. "You know, the day I say the word 'analyse' and someone instantaneously starts talking, that will be the day I have to call off lessons because I would have a heart attack from the immense shock." I'll miss him when I pack up and scoot off from here! Shall we catch a movie anyway? And grab yummy yummy ice cream from Dairy Queen? I've got discount coupons for the cheese-cake blizzards! Chicken Little and Spongebob the Movie are so random! Lovely! & recently, I catch myself thinking about who you really are/could be more often than I should. TonFlyingHigh!4:35 PM *** Wednesday, May 10, 2006 it's a comedy running over and over again. TonFlyingHigh!10:36 PM *** Monday, May 08, 2006
 Take the wheel/Take it from my hands/Cause I can't do this all on my own/I'm letting go/So give me one more chance/To save me from this road I'm on I like the sound of laughter in the house. When morning comes I wake up to a day of sleep. Like jokes are just icing off the snow-machine and music a melody that rings like a soundtrack to dawn. Sometimes when you dream so far ahead, you lose yourself on cloud number nine. Sometimes you never come back. When you write letters that you don't post and put on a smile like you always do to the ice-cream man three blocks from home, what does that make you? Like Clementine I tried to rid myself of the eternal sunshine. But you cross the road hoping a careless driver would have you in his blind spot. In all stupidity you wish it would lend you a spotless mind. Skip two beats and speak in prose, your verses are far too divine. Maybe just let me take the backseat, the windscreen screams, it screams pangs of flash-backs && I can't write anymore. TonFlyingHigh!9:32 PM *** Saturday, May 06, 2006 Happy happy Eighteenth Raghagoo! TonFlyingHigh!12:45 PM *** Someone wise once said that the human heart has only two passions: to love and to be loved. TonFlyingHigh!12:43 PM *** Monday, May 01, 2006 I wish, my imperfections aside, you'll come to love and understand me. But then again, it must be difficult for you because I just don't share enough- I just don't dare to. Thinking I will never be as sensible and rational as her, or as simple and as sweet a talker as the other. I wish you could really read me and see that I'm like everyone else you've come to love. But how can you, when I refuse to be an open book with you, when I refuse to let you see how I'm really, really struggling? I still love you anyhow. Between a parent and a child we don't always need understanding (because how can it be totally attained, all the time?) but more of a response in the form of appreciation, respect and love. I'll just enjoy the ups and let go of the downs.  "Dreams are wishes our hearts make when we're asleep." Haha, that explains the nostalgic slumber-rides when we were living separate lives. One day, all I'll have is that smile in my rear mirror and I could not ask for more. TonFlyingHigh!9:36 PM *** |
Behind The Wheel; 
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