And Turn The Speakers Up.

THIS IS MY LOT, BEAUTIFUL STRANGERS.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

"If it wasn't this, it would be something else."

And so it has been three days with no voice and a fluctuating temperature.

I've been SO so so so so so so bored! I'd rather go to school, really. Anyways, I was lying on the bed as usual, trying to get some rest after taking my second round of medication when I thought of something: What if I lost my voice for good? No, I wasn't being morbid or paranoid, I was just wondering what I would do, how I would feel and how others might react if it really (God forbid!) does happen. The first thought that came to mind was Teaching. I wouldn't be able to teach the Thai kids how to speak English, I wouldn't be able to speak to them in Thai. I might probably have to give up the whole idea of teaching- scratch it totally. Then I thought, maybe I could be a hairdresser. But I might probably bore my customers to death. I like Sally 'cause she's so warm and interactive and if I were to be a hairdresser, I would want to be like her. Then I thought of nursing, but it would kill me to be unable to add some colour and joy and entertainment to the lives of the sick- possible blind, deaf, paralysed or even mute themselves. They may all drop dead one by one due to monotony. I then pictured myself as an ice cream girl, but I wouldn't be able to tell my customers the cost, or the flavours unavailable, or sing HappyBirthday to a little girl. So I gave up thinking of a job, and started thinking about the people around me.

Oh, by then, I was feeling upset enough, knowing that my dream to teach would be dashed, so emotions aside, I began thinking about what kind of company I would be to the people who love me. I would be boring, dry, probably a block of wood walking around forcing a smile every now and then. I could already picture Meli & Marilyn being all enthusiastic about our day-out and left with an empty cup of energy, almost totally exhausted by the time we get back. I must really thank them for being so cheerful around me these few days, I love you guys from the bottom of my pencil case.

After giving 'What If' so much thought and recognition, I stopped, and closed my eyes, picturing the beautiful sea, mountains, skyline, which my windows to the world could still bring me, even without my voice. The music and lyrics I could still appreciate, and the yummy yummy food I could still taste, despite the inability to speak, laugh and yak on like I always do. I could still smell the scents which remind me of the people I know (I secretly like the way you smell,mm'hmm!). I wouldn't be able to sing in the shower, or laugh to my heart's content, or read poems out loud to the people they're meant for, but I'll still be able to dance when no one's watching, dream, go on holidays, down 3 cups of ice cream in a go, write and love.

Besides, like the quote from Elizabeth Town reads, if it wasn't this, it would have been something else.

&& I should be getting my voice back , anyway.

TonFlyingHigh!2:16 PM

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