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THIS IS MY LOT, BEAUTIFUL STRANGERS.
 Someone whose face I can put a smile on, after a long tiring day. Ladada-dadadada. So you asked her back then, "What am I?" You're everything on that purple card, everything and more. TonFlyingHigh!11:37 PM *** I love Whitby and Dio's lessons! Attending Literature classes are like being a part of a discussion in which you submerge into a text, think, express your thoughts and apply a lot of critical analysis on language and techniques used by writers of all sorts, to bring their big and sometimes abstract ideas across to us, the readers/audience. Yes, having to get used to dissecting a particular poem/prose/play with the necessary tools seem to get boring and it makes Lit plainly rigid, but it sure is enlightening to see how appreciating a written work isn't just about spotting flowery words; it's also about form, structure, sound, wit, and most importantly, ideas- amazing ideas at times, which I can only marvel at and nod in agreement with. Sure, we need to memorise quotes and main themes for some texts when it comes to substantiating our points in our essays, but Literature really goes beyond just pen, paper and grades. I've learnt a lot more about life in Lit class than in any other class I've ever had to attend (whether for 6 or 4 years) before. It's interesting to step out of your little bubble of thoughts and perspectives, and indulge in others' take on life, love, God, etc, especially when these are people with the niche for writing. Haha, sometimes I would blurt out random nonsensical interpretations or ideas, but I guess, just like how it applies to being in love, if you're not ready to sound stupid, you're not ready to study Lit. (not that the other Lit students sound stupid too, but hey, who gets spot-on answers all the time? Lit is about ideas and opinion, and we're all owners of varying perspectives, and we're entitled to them.) I like this stanza from George Herbert's 'The Forerunners' which we had for Dio's lesson today: Let foolish lovers, if they will love dung, With canvas, not with arras clothe their shame: Let folly speak in her own native tongue. True beauty dwells on high: ours is a flame But borrowed thence to light us thither. Beauty and beauteous words should go together. Yes, it's not all about flowery words, but sometimes, we need them, to describe something/someone equally, if not more beautiful. Ah, my completeness. TonFlyingHigh!10:24 PM *** Saturday, February 25, 2006 Always;  Dinner a few days before Meli's flight with the family, the three of us on one side, and the two lovelies on the other! The food was awesome though the spread wasn't great. We started on our best behaviours, and then the posing began, with mummy going "stop wasting the film!" and Meli replying almost instantaneously "But it's a digital cam mummy, we can take as many pics as we want!" 
Oh, this was when it we all started doodling on the table.
Family Fondue captured by mummy. M'hmm! "No matter what we do or say No matter what happens today you'll still be my baby sister, my best friend, my 'other'. "
TonFlyingHigh!12:59 AM *** Thursday, February 23, 2006 "...And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant And whatever a sun will always sing is you Here is the deepest secret nobody knows(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud And the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows Higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart I carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)" - E.E Cummings TonFlyingHigh!11:56 PM *** Oasis plays tonight but Mc Coy's Cheese&Chives, Chocolate Chip pound cake, a light movie with a great soundtrack and the company I'd be missing out on for the next 9 months beats it by far. Oh, and by the way, Goal! has an awesome soundtrack, and the leading man is uber uber hot. I wonder how Oasis' gig went anyway. TonFlyingHigh!10:12 PM *** Tuesday, February 21, 2006 Labels. There are two types of prejudice: one inflicted by others, the second? self-imposed. The first is clear but the latter, hardly mentioned. People often have the misconception that others at levels considered 'higher' or presumably 'better' than theirs' belittle and look down on them. They self-construct ideas that they're just not good enough to associate with these of other labels, or these people are just too arrogant, proud, conceited and condescending to them. With the many labels from Normal Technical to Special streams and now the Integrated Programme, how do we abolish such notions which not only handicap the morale of those we feel less adequate due to the labels they're stuck with, but also, more importantly, how do we knock down the walls between the labelled groups which have been so inevitably built? Ask yourselves, how well do you know these people whom you choose to distance yourself from just because they're from 'better' schools, 'better' streams and what not? It would be far too sweeping a statement to say that no one looks down on anyone of a 'lower standard'- but of course, there are the arrogant and conceited ones who think the world of themselves just because they're the creme de la creme of the education system. I'm guilty as can be myself. The mentality of Junior College students having top-notch prestigious alma matas looking down on those coming from neighbourhood schools like mine has been one I find terribly hard to part with. At 13, I already despised those coming from the more established and recognised secondary schools, because I felt that they despised me- this is self-imposed prejudice at work. Friends from the Normal Academic stream have also shared to have once disliked the Express stream just because, they're different la , or, they think they're better. Aren't we all the same? EM1 students are not of higher standard than EM3 students. Junior Colleges are no more superior than ITEs, period. We just possess different skills, different abilities. What are the labels for, really? If there is no distinction in standard and previleges given to every student, rid the education system of these walls which do nothing but segregate people who are supposed to be equal. If the lines have to be drawn between different standards, then by whose standard are we judged? Society's? Who's to say whether one is smarter than another? We're all skilled in different ways. Having the ability to dance or be agile on the field and in the court is intelligence itself. In fact, why limit us to what is but one measely form of intelligence? What with the whole talk of academics being of prime importance. How many people who actually complete the full course of education live day by day happy and contented? How many actually find jobs, if that be their ultimate goal? Don't say Polytechnic and College students are the same when discrimination in something so minor like bus fares is screaming in everyone's faces. Don't say they're the same when so many Polytechnic graduates have no university campus to enrol in after they complete their diplomas just because they don't meet the standard of some deciding figure. && enough with the snide remarks of College students being more childish and less independent than Polytechnic students already. Do away with generalisation please. Your bad, Society. This is your bad, to have moulded so many to think that there is only one way to success and then dress it up in 'happiness'. You are not better off than someone who washes the feet of others, even if you're highly qualified on paper, but devoid of a smile of contentment and jubilation at the end of the day. If these labels are said to be necessary, I contend otherwise. If a sense of equality and cohesion between those apt in different skills and have differing inclinations is at stake, these labels are better off scratched. If labels are needed for distinction purposes, the problem is in the reason itself. When distinction is at play, segregation is expected and differences are underlined. Right now, these walls just won't fall. TonFlyingHigh!4:20 PM *** Sunday, February 19, 2006 I Love You, Thailand. I Really Do. mai mee tur wan nan, mai mee chun wan nee. TonFlyingHigh!10:43 PM *** Le Wedding  Messing around with the camera, as usual! Eugene & Amy's vow exchange was simply sweet. More stills in other cameras. "I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance: a church filled with flowers and friends; I asked what kind of a wedding he wished for, He said one that would make me his wife."
TonFlyingHigh!7:17 PM *** Saturday, February 18, 2006 MY MR. DORAEMON DOESN'T SHAKE FOR ME! TonFlyingHigh!12:03 AM *** Friday, February 17, 2006
 "To be happy when we are together like before na na na" TonFlyingHigh!11:52 PM *** Prata, noodles and Ragha's company in the morning along with an awesome Hindi movie, 'Kisna' which happens to be the epitome of a romance flick (I should have expected, since I had insisted 'I want romance only uh' the night before. I learnt something from this bollywood production: piriyum poothu thaan kaathal unmaiyaaga valara thodanggum, parting could be a start of love. I wish I had more control over my expressions and actions. Mood-swings aren't meant to make up a universal excuse. Perhaps it's because I'm too comfortable with you that's why you see the worst and really horrible side of me. It's time to make some changes here, no point mulling over my flaw. I think I like weddings. It's a long beautiful moment, isn't it? If I had to rank the days I had a large and non-stop intake of rubbish in order of merit, today would have come in first with the runner-up tailing no where close. I love you like a fat kid loves cake. Speaking of cake, I've had a lot of waffles and ice cream this week && in case you didn't know, that makes me a happy happy person. I've decided! I fancy apartments over landed houses. I think they have some warmth to them which you can't expect to find in proportion to area. (they're easier to decorate, furnish and maintain, anyway) So long now, time to wash off my mask. Tomorrow's going to be one long ride. TonFlyingHigh!10:47 PM *** Wednesday, February 15, 2006
 Stills I like the way you freeze my time, Like playing with its heart and keeping the joy of it With your lens in my hands. The way you plaster together a thousand words, Like it takes no more than a moment For a moment to be painted. The way you serenade nostalgia with your ensemble, Like you need no lyrical touch For a smile from a chuckle. The way you leave me with no escape, Like a constant reminder of a browned chapter I'd rather leave unopened, I'd pray to keep unread. The way you give me a portrait, Like the one I used to picture in slumber With that familiar shoulder by my side. I just like the way you freeze my time, I like you, still-maker, play this line. TonFlyingHigh!11:45 PM *** Tuesday, February 14, 2006 HAPPY, HAPPY 19TH B', ALY! and for what it's worth, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, beautiful people.  TonFlyingHigh!12:30 AM *** If life were but a flower, Would we be victims of our own disguises Hiding in the name of beauty Loving in the superficiality of passion? The chapters which unfold Will be the petals which wither and fall And the days of a life, Would scream impending Misfortune in its face, Inevitably evident, Indecently little. But what's in A Life if it were so frail (you could trample upon it) What's in Beauty, if it were only a second's moment, What's in Love it were but lust dressed in pastel red? Question not the reason for life. If we were all actors of the biggest play, We are but our own flowers thrown At the feet of the one who takes centre stage. TonFlyingHigh!12:07 AM *** Monday, February 13, 2006 It could be Valentine's everyday/anyday. 'Two days past eighteen He was waiting for the bus in his army green Sat down in a booth in a cafe there Gave his order to a girl with a bow in her hair He's a little shy so she gives him a smile And he said would you mind sittin' down for a while And talking to me,I'm feeling a little low She said I'm off in an hour and I know where we can go So they went down and they sat on the pier He said I bet you got a boyfriend but I don't care I got no one to send a letter to Would you mind if I sent one back here to you I cried Never gonna hold the hand of another guy Too young for him they told her Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier Our love will never end Waitin' for the soldier to come back again Never more to be alone when the letter said A soldier's coming home So the letters came from an army camp In California then Vietnam And he told her of his heart It might be love and all of the things he was so scared of He said when it's getting kinda rough over here I think of that day sittin' down at the pier And I close my eyes and see your pretty smile Don't worry but I won't be able to write for awhile I cried Never gonna hold the hand of another guy Too young for him they told her Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier Our love will never end Waitin' for the soldier to come back again Never more to be alone when the letter said A soldier's coming home One Friday night at a football game The Lord's Prayer said and the Anthem sang A man said folks would you bow your heads For a list of local Vietnam dead Crying all alone under the stands Was a piccolo player in the marching band And one name read and nobody really cared But a pretty little girl with a bow in her hair I cried Never gonna hold the hand of another guy Too young for him they told her Waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier Our love will never end Waitin' for the soldier to come back again Never more to be alone when the letter said A soldier's coming... A soldier's coming home." -Dixie Chicks, Travelin' Soldier. TonFlyingHigh!10:31 PM *** Sunday, February 12, 2006
 "Give me a man who is man enough to give himself to just the woman who is worth him. If that woman were me I'd love him alone, and forever." TonFlyingHigh!9:45 PM ***
- Jack Johnson, Banana Pancakes  TonFlyingHigh!7:32 PM *** Thursday, February 09, 2006 This Wish-list. A little less selfish/ a little more love for them/ a little less insensitivity/ a little less mistakes/ a little more thought/ a little less dependent/ a little more concern/ a little more smiles/ a little more time for them/ a little more joy/ a little more acceptance/ a little more flexibility/ a little more patient/ a little more controlled/ a little more loving/ a little less selfish/a little less selfish/a little less selfish/ a little more her/ a little more You/ a little less of me. TonFlyingHigh!11:57 PM *** Tuesday, February 07, 2006 There's always a lesson in a word. Today I walked into class and the whiteboard read in fresh black ink:
& you ask me why I find co-incidences beautiful. TonFlyingHigh!9:53 PM *** Monday, February 06, 2006 Play the piece one more time, I lost the melody somewhere at the back of this mind. Together we could try to fix it, maybe for a while, maybe for a long long hello. I still wake up smiling, not pretending, like a masquerade gone wrong. I think if I had an empty letter addressed to me, I could promise the ink will not run when I sing it a reply back to sender, back to my beautiful stranger. Did you feel it when I felt accomplished yet incompetent and almost despondent all at once today? The metro has more than empty faces now, I see people painting the town grey- like the shade we all embody, like the colour that runs down an old virgin wall. I hear the tune now, it reeks of melancholy. Scratch that painful echo, leave it for the Bedlam lovers under the starless sky. Tonight we'll piece the sun, only a couple of moonshines shy of polished musicians; the sun, and all its moments it gave me to date, of you, of us, of them, of fear and of amazement. TonFlyingHigh!11:18 PM *** Saturday, February 04, 2006
 "If it wasn't this, it would be something else." And so it has been three days with no voice and a fluctuating temperature. I've been SO so so so so so so bored! I'd rather go to school, really. Anyways, I was lying on the bed as usual, trying to get some rest after taking my second round of medication when I thought of something: What if I lost my voice for good? No, I wasn't being morbid or paranoid, I was just wondering what I would do, how I would feel and how others might react if it really (God forbid!) does happen. The first thought that came to mind was Teaching. I wouldn't be able to teach the Thai kids how to speak English, I wouldn't be able to speak to them in Thai. I might probably have to give up the whole idea of teaching- scratch it totally. Then I thought, maybe I could be a hairdresser. But I might probably bore my customers to death. I like Sally 'cause she's so warm and interactive and if I were to be a hairdresser, I would want to be like her. Then I thought of nursing, but it would kill me to be unable to add some colour and joy and entertainment to the lives of the sick- possible blind, deaf, paralysed or even mute themselves. They may all drop dead one by one due to monotony. I then pictured myself as an ice cream girl, but I wouldn't be able to tell my customers the cost, or the flavours unavailable, or sing HappyBirthday to a little girl. So I gave up thinking of a job, and started thinking about the people around me. Oh, by then, I was feeling upset enough, knowing that my dream to teach would be dashed, so emotions aside, I began thinking about what kind of company I would be to the people who love me. I would be boring, dry, probably a block of wood walking around forcing a smile every now and then. I could already picture Meli & Marilyn being all enthusiastic about our day-out and left with an empty cup of energy, almost totally exhausted by the time we get back. I must really thank them for being so cheerful around me these few days, I love you guys from the bottom of my pencil case. After giving 'What If' so much thought and recognition, I stopped, and closed my eyes, picturing the beautiful sea, mountains, skyline, which my windows to the world could still bring me, even without my voice. The music and lyrics I could still appreciate, and the yummy yummy food I could still taste, despite the inability to speak, laugh and yak on like I always do. I could still smell the scents which remind me of the people I know (I secretly like the way you smell,mm'hmm!). I wouldn't be able to sing in the shower, or laugh to my heart's content, or read poems out loud to the people they're meant for, but I'll still be able to dance when no one's watching, dream, go on holidays, down 3 cups of ice cream in a go, write and love. Besides, like the quote from Elizabeth Town reads, if it wasn't this, it would have been something else. && I should be getting my voice back , anyway. TonFlyingHigh!2:16 PM *** Thursday, February 02, 2006 Incoherent Thoughts. I think there's something wrong with the weather these days. People should smile more. I still want to go to the zoo (for the animals and for Ben&Jerry's!) I wish I had the appetite for something other than porridge today. I'm happy. I love. I still think I'm an open book. Fireworks are beautiful. Being sick is not fun. I like to pretend I'm in an music video when a song plays. I hope Ebi makes it through the auditions. And if he makes it far, I hope he gives me tickets. I'm going to watch Disney On Ice! I secretly wish I had learnt ballet. I want to see you set up your cafe with all the pretty pretty pictures. TonFlyingHigh!7:22 PM *** Wednesday, February 01, 2006 Wizard of Oz: As for you, my galvanized friend, you want a heart. You don't know how lucky you are not to have one. Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable. Tin Woodsman: But I still want one. I could beg to differ. TonFlyingHigh!9:43 PM *** |
Behind The Wheel; 
- - - - - - - - Navigate;
- - - - - - - - Playing On My Mixtape; |
This is my attempt at being artistic, hah. 
Thanks Meli, for the 6 weeks. I'm saving on the mush here, you know and I know and that's more than enough. 
